hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you had me at cake vodka
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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