I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
vagina is talking i cant
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
