Duck Duck Cougar?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
