Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
