i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
