I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
