After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
