I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like eating out sand paper
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
