The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
