Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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