Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
