I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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