Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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