He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
