Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
