10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
