you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
