I heard we made out
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
