Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
