I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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