She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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