Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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