i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
