you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
