My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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