you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
