you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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