mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
