Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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