Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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