it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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