Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The Olympian is in my bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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