I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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