Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
