Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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