You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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