Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
