office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
