apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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