I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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