my vag is so smooth its legendary
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
