My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
