i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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