why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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