On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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