i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
