fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
