Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
