Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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