Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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