Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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