I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
