That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
