That's when you crack a 10am beer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
