the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Randomize
