Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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