I feel great
I just peed on a car
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
