Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
